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Google is for Mature Audiences Only

two mules sign with a crayon

…If then his providence

Out of our evil seek to bring forth good,

Our labor must be to pervert that end,

And out of good still find means of evil…

— John Milton, Paradise Lost

Google’s Terms of Use has boasted a particular notice for quite some time, and it has been noted by faster and better sorts than mules.

But it makes one wonder – why does it remain unchanged, with a last revision in April of 2007?

Straight from the Privacy link on the home page to the Terms of Service, the extremely bored reader is confronted with what can only be read as an agreement that no service of Google – not search, not maps, nothing – can be used by minors.

Specifically, hopping from section within clear sight of each other in a single scroll, the mules read:

1.1 Your use of Google’s products, software, services and web sites (referred to collectively as the “Services” in this document and excluding any services provided to you by Google under a separate written agreement) is subject to the terms of a legal agreement between you and Google.

And then…

2.3 You may not use the Services and may not accept the Terms if (a) you are not of legal age to form a binding contract with Google, or (b) you are a person barred from receiving the Services under the laws of the United States or other countries including the country in which you are resident or from which you use the Services.

And that is that.

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